shaddap and talk

Revenge of the Turds

2006-03-21T17:58:00.000-08:00

The house that I'm working on has been vacant for a while. Apparently, they had a cat there. I saw a couple of cat poopy pebbles in one of the bedrooms. They lived in that room for a while because they were dry. We had to pull the carpets up, so I used a stick to flick those dry poopy pebbled into the middle of the carpet. Skillfully, I rolled the carpet up. But, what did I see? Yup - one of those pebbles trying to escape. Oh no you don't I thought to myself as I tilted the carpet so that it would roll back in. One of my workers helped me throw that carpet into the dumpster. Would you believe that one of the pebbles jumped back out and hit him on the shoulder? I didn't have the heart to tell him. Hey, I'm not that bad. I did buy them lunch...

Oprah and her debt diet series

2006-03-16T03:20:00.000-08:00

Oprah is having this debt diet thing every couple of weeks I believe. I'm not really sure when it comes on because wifey TiVos it and she calls me in to watch it. First of all, it took some guts for these guests to show America (the world) how much debt they are in. I've been in debt - serious debt. I wanted to mention that because I'm not this rich, upper class guy who is preaching to the little people.

The shows brought to light some very real, very interesting issues. Let me also mention that I'm not one of those "what Oprah says I believe, praise be to Oprah!!" kind of people. I have to say that she is doing a great job in this particular series. Things that they were mentioning are so true and I have either been through it or witnessed it in my friends and family.

Let's get specific...
1. People are in debt because they want the lifestyle of the rich and famous but don't have the money to support the lifestyle.
2. People are in debt because they buy stuff in an attempt to fill some void in their life.
3. People are in debt because they are carrying on the legacy and teaching from their parents.
4. People are in debt because they MUST maintain the appearance that they are doing well financially.

It got me thinking about the people around me and myself. Here are some of the things that I have witnessed. I make no apologies for stepping on people's toes.

1. A person says her car is acting up and she needs a new one. She really doesn't want to make a lateral move (one compact car to another). She is eyeing cars that she really can't afford because "they are so pretty". I wonder what she is going to do. This same person mentions quite often that "she deserves..." fill in the blanks "because" fill in the blanks. How many of us have said that?

2. A person is looking for a home. Her requirement is that it has to be over a certain square footage. She wants a big 5 bedroom home for her family of six. Her and her husband make decent money, but that mortgage will still be quite large. There are no college funds for the kids. She wants out of her line of work NOW. Hubby is starting his own business soon and she wants to start a business. Are they doing the right thing?

3. I have seen a woman buy barrels of stuff to send back to Jamaica even when she couldn't afford it so that her mother and others can be comfortable and don't look like "heng pun nail". When visitors come to her house, she will entertain like she is the richest person in town and complain about the money spent later.

4. A couple sold a perfectly good car that was paid for and bought a new one with payments because the other car "was getting old" and "didn't look good anymore". Yes, this one was me and wifey.

5. I know a man that says he will never have a credit card (like Visa or MasterCard), but he has one high interest store card (Sears) that he uses all the time. By the way, did you know that Sears makes more money on credit than on the sale of their merchandise?

6. I know person who gets financial aid from the government and spends it on clothes, going to clubs, vacations, etc.. She also complains about not getting enough hours at work, so she's broke.

Why do I have more examples of what people (including myself) do wrong financially than what people are doing right?

Everybody I know that have excused debt are in debt.
"You'll always be in debt..."
"You can't take the money with you when you die..."
"I haven't bought anything in weeks..."
And the list goes on.

When surveyed, 75 percent of the Forbes 400 said the best way to build wealth is to become and stay debt-free. Very interesting that the rich folk think a little differently than the not-so-rich.

I could go on and on about this because I am very passionate about this subject. Maybe I'll create a new blog just for this subject...

To make a short story long...

2006-03-09T03:32:00.000-08:00

So I have a building contractor that I have befriended here. He worked on a house that I was selling and I liked his work and I trust him. See. Short and sweet. To the point. My contractor friend, however, is quite the opposite.

"Ben. I sorry I cooldn't mek it to yoo toodeh." (That's my best Trinidadian accent).
"That's alright, man. What happened?" (Dang, why did I ask!!).
"I got di floo real baad." (Whew - this'll be a quick call).
"Tursdeh, I cooldn't get up. I had pen all ovah mi body." (Oh no).
"Frideh, still cooldn't get up. I had pen all in my bones."(Sigh. Sit down, BdaB).
"Satoodeh, I crawl to di baatroom to brush my teet. I was on di floh, brushing my teet." (He getting worse)
"Sundeh, I feel a little bit bettah." (Woohoo!!! He's getting better!!)
"Mondeh, I try to pick up the kids from skool. I drove down di street and had to tun back. I told my wife bebi - I caan mek it." (Oh no - relapse!!)
"Toosdeh, I get up. I caan leave my werkers on di job by demself." (Oh yes, he is healed!! Well, kinda).

I went to show him the house that I bought so that he can give me estimates. The place does NOT smell very good. Me and wifey had masks on when we put the garbage in bags (42 50-gallon bags - that's another story). We didn't take the car with the masks in the trunk and guess what. Yup. He got to talking in the smelly house. I have an extremely sensitive sense of smell and the cocktail of not-so-nice odors was really getting to me. My eyes were watering. My lungs were contracting. I tried breathing through my ears, but they heard how bad the smell was and refused to partake. I had to remain conscious - there was NO WAY I was going to collapse on THAT floor. There was a break in the conversation. Me and wifey walked very very quickly outside. We were free!!!

2006-03-07T03:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I drove down to my old stomping ground for the weekend. I met the old work peeps and got the same question over and over again - "so how's Jacksonville?" That's okay. I was expecting it. Wifey said that visiting Ft. Lauderdale affirms that we made the right decision to move. We don't miss it down there at all. I saw my old bosses and the only thought that was in my mind was "I don't have to answer to you all any more!" One of my work peeps finally admitted to me that he was gay. I admitted to him that I was black. We are very much at ease now that we are both out of the closet. I did a quick trip around town to say bye to the important people in my life and then we headed back home. I would've stayed a couple of days more, but I had a house closing to go to. Remember that house that should have closed a couple of weeks ago? Yup, I finally had to go give up my money. Today is the big day - I'm going to work y'all!! I already have one potential setback to deal with. The utilities people turned on the water and turned it right back off because water was running somewhere in the house. I am so ready for this. I am driven to conquer the seemingly unconquerable. I hate to lose. Y'all feelin' me?

Man and Machine

2006-02-22T03:47:00.000-08:00

I put the key in the ignition and started the engine. The roar was intoxicating. I looked around to see if anyone was watching. Should I? Oh, what the heck!! I put in in first gear and it stalled. That's okay. I started it up again a put it in first gear and it popped a wheely. This ain't so bad. I tried to engage second gear, but I hit third by accident. It popped a bigger wheely. Now we were going really fast - too fast. I fumbled trying to gear down. I was running out of room. How do you steer this thing? The tree in front of me was getting bigger and bigger. It was one of those moments that God would have looked down and said "You so stupid, boy - come on home...". I dodged the tree. Tank ya, Lawd!! Tank Ya!! I put it back in neutral to catch my breath and to spit the dirt out of my mouth.

Can somebody please tell me why my 70+ year old daddy went out and bought this lawn mower?

Going Back To Work

2006-02-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

I am going to close on my first deal tomorrow. This is it. This is why I quit being an engineer. I wanted to do my own thing and I'm finally doing it. On Monday, I'm going to get to work. My own work. I'll realize the fruits of my labor in a couple of months when I sell the house back. A couple of years ago, I heard on a gospel CD the statement "Its hard to be big when little has got ya." I've held on to that statement. I have learned to think outside of the traditional. Entirely too many people that I know have made it in life while I looked on. By the way, don't equate "making it" with making a huge paycheck - it goes waaaaay deeper than that. Oh yes, I was a senior engineer for a multi-billion dollar company, but I didn't feel successful. Right now, without making a dime, I feel success flowing through my blood. Why? Because I managed to take the first step - I shrugged "little" off my shoulders. You see, "little" instills fear, self doubt, low self esteem, lack of confidence and low self worth into us. Here are some of my thoughts...

1. You cannot continually blame everything and everyone but yourself for your situations. I was a victim of mortgage fraud. Let's just say that my losses were more than a few thousand dollars. I blamed that guy for many months. I now realize that I made fundamental errors that enabled a person like him to do what he does.

2. ALWAYS manage your money. House(s), car(s), land, wallet, business, etc. It all boils down to money and it is yours. This was one of my fundamental errors. I left MY houses (MY money) alone and expected everything to be okay. Trusting someone to overlook things for you is irrelevant (and some people may say stupid). I had 15 days vacation, and 10 personal days to oversee my money and I didn't do it. When things went wrong, I started blaming instead of taking control. Now, I am Supreme Overlord of my money.

3. Stop spending more than you make. Why don't people see that if you have less debt, its easier to be financially comfortable. Why did you need that dress, skirt, shoes, rims and tires, shirt, suit, oversized house, fancy car? Why is 20% off of something that you can't afford a good deal?

4. Money is a faithful servant, but a cruel master.

5. Hanging on the coat tails of someone who is successful doesn't automatically make you a success. Putting in 5% percent of the work and claiming 50% of the glory is pretty pathetic, and quite offensive.

6. Everyone has a different path to success and everyone defines success differently. So why are you trying to be like...

7. You have to actually work at being successful. People who just sit around spectating don't make it. "I'm gonna" people don't make it either.

8. Motivate yourself, dang it! Stop waiting for husband, wife, mom, dad, pastor, arch-bishop, bishop, pope to motivate you. Does everyone need to hold a cattle prod in their hand to move you?

I have become less tolerant of "I'm gonna" people and I normally respond with "So why don't you?".

I have stopped sugar-coating things for people because it doesn't help them.

I define success as financial freedom, more time to hang out with my family and friends, and being someone who people can see as a good example to others. It's different for everyone, but a good start is working on need and eliminating greed. Go for it!!

Najah, warrior princess

2006-02-15T04:02:00.000-08:00

My daughter. My little two year old. The apple of my eye. My sweetheart. I went to go and pick her up from the daycare and her teacher said that she pushed another girl to the floor. They gave her timeout (which she doesn't like at all). I asked her teacher a few questions about the prelude to the incident, but it was hard to concentrate when she kept adjusting a wig that was obviously too small for her head.

What the other kids may not know is...
1. She receives superhuman strength from her finger sucking, and
2. She has been trained at ghetto temples across florida. She has had a black belt (with some pink flowers) since 1 1/2 years old.

I tried to talk to her, but she denied everything. I have to keep an eye on it because I don't want her to be the class bully.

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T04:31:00.000-08:00

No, not Valemtimes. Valentimes is close, but that's not correct either. Sorry, I had to get that out. It really shouldn't bother me, but it does.

I'm glad that me and wifey aren't so hung up on birthdays, valentine's, etc. It's another day people. Society has morphed it into a big commercial hooplah. They did it for money, not love. Yes, we think about it a lot when we are alone, especially after recent break ups. It seems to me that people have a hard time being by themselves. You are not defeated if you don't have a significant other. Yes, I know we may get frustrated (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), but the fact still stands that if there wasn't such a social pressure to give/get gifts, go out to dinner, chocolates, jewelry, and even having sex on this day, then there wouldn't be as many problems.

My boy is four years old

2006-02-14T04:08:00.000-08:00

I actually find it very hard to believe. We were planning a Chuck E Cheese party for him, but it didn't work out. My friend got there a few minutes before me and called me. "Benjy, it's like a club up in here". Sure enough, the line was outside, they were only letting in a few people at a time and people were all gussied up - just like a club. Anyway, we took the party to my house. We had serious reservations about this. We are not superficial, but we laid out some serious money on carpeting and we are not really working to replace it. Some of the kids that were coming were notorious for being clumsy. Fortunately, nothing happened. The kids had a blast - I actually enjoy the sounds that kids make. The screaming, laughing, crying, fighting, and making up all within minutes of each other is so cool. We can't do that as mature adults because we have too many hang ups. The highlight of the day wasn't really the party itself. It was a friend of a friend who came to the party. She mentioned that her child wasn't going to eat much because of a stomach virus. Okay people. You don't have to be a doctor to understand this. Viruses (or bacteria) are contagious, you have a bunch of kids who haven't mastered the art of hygene, somebody is gonna catch something. I kept my boy out of school for a week because of his illness, just to make sure that another kid doesn't get it. This bright spark took it upon herself to bring her diseased child and plop him in the middle of a bunch of other children. Lovely. Well, to make a long story short, one of the kids that they were staying with picked up the virus. So what you say. When a child gets a cold I say so what too. When a child picks up something that makes him/her not want to eat or drink you have serious problems. Dehydration occurs VERY rapidly in children. Anyways the poor kid is sick, the mom had to stay home because she can't take her to the day care so the family is now losing money. And this all never had to happen because they were just visiting for the weekend. They could have waited for a better, disease free weekend. I don't understand some people.

The Promised Land

2006-02-09T04:28:00.000-08:00

That's what my old pastor is calling Jacksonville. Trust me, he's being quite negative about it. There has been a considerable movement toward this city. Why? One reason is the fact that homes are cheaper than Fort Lauderdale and the pay is right about the same or higher. I looked at the pay for engineers and it is about the same as South Florida. Wifey tells me that nurses get paid more here. It just makes sense to a lot of people. So a lot of people are saying bye bye to high home prices and skyrocketing rents. What's intriguing is that now home prices are starting to climb in Jacksonville. As an example, me and wifey were "at work" looking for properties to buy and we were driving around what they call Historic Springfield. These homes were built in 1905 ish, and let me tell you, some of those puppies were really messed up. I saw some people working on a house, so I parked my car and got out to talk to them. A very nice realtor lady and I got to talking. She said that these homes were selling for about $5k (yes five thousand dollars) just a couple of years ago. A renovated house now sells for high $200's and some are low $300's. A house that NEEDS full renovation now costs in the $100's. Why? People with a little money started thinking that it's chic and fashionable to live there. The herd mentality made this area grow.
No Pastor, this isn't the promised land - some people just need to start a new life with a fighting chance to win the game.

The Yardie Magic Potion

2006-02-06T04:35:00.000-08:00

Cornmeal porridge. Yes - kill evryting, cure evryting. My son didn't want it at first. It happened to be one of the few things that he could put in his mouth without it hurting. The potion just coated his tongue and made his want to eat. The portions got bigger day by day. He wanted more when the bowl was finished. He started talking (another side effect of the potion). Even though I can't stand the stuff now, my mum made it all the time for my boy. My Dad told me that's all I ate when I was young and that's all he ate when he was young. I heard about other side effects of cornmeal porridge. It may explain why my parents had five kids and I am always...

Okay, so this is getting a little personal.

Waaaa - It's not fair - Waaaaaa!!

2006-02-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

So I'm looking for properties to fix up an sell back. There was a particular property that I happened across a little less than a month ago. I said to myself that the numbers were outrageous - $150+k in profit. I signed up on an investor website and finally got the address. Me, wifey and sonny boy went for a ride. It so happens that the neigborhood is going through a massive overhaul. People are picking up these old homes and selling them to people who want to live in "historic" Jacksonville. I could have lived off of that kind of money for at least three years!!

Weirdness This Weekend

2006-02-01T07:32:00.001-08:00

Weird #1

My sister in England "Sad to hear Uncle Eva died."
Me "Yeah, Auntie Linda must be taking it hard."
My sister "I never met the man."
Me "Really?"
My sister "No."
Me "He came over to England one time."
My sister "No he didn't."
Me "That's why I pictured Auntie Linda sitting next to a man, but I couldn't make out his face. All I could picture was the bottom of his trousers and big shoes..."
My sister "Hmm."
Me "Hmm."

Weird #2
My kids are playing hide and seek. One is 4 and the other is 2.
4 year old "You go hide under the bed in mommy's room and I'll try to find you."
2 year old "Ooookay!"

My kids are playing hide and seek (part 2).
My 2 year old hides in a laundry basket with her eyes closed giggling. My 4 year old is knocking on the top of the basket but my 2 years swears she's invisible and inaudible.

Studying - define studying.

2006-02-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, I should be studying for my real estate exam but there have been so much stuff going on. My daughter was sick, followed by wifey, followed by me, followed by sonny boy. All different diseases. We are all over it except for my son. He has pick up herpangina again. Its terrible, blisters on the ceiling of his mouth, swollen gums, blisters on his tongue, and to top it off, breath with more BAM than Emeril. He refuses to eat, he refuses to talk. The doctor (old school guy) told me to not worry about nutrition, just worry about caloric intake. But my boy won't eat ice cream, his ovaltine and milk, or pediasure. The last resort is cornmeal porridge. I'm gonna try that today. I am really worried about him. I know he is getting better, but now he is afraid that whatever is going in his mouth is going to give him pain. I absolutely hate seeing kids that are sick. He needs to bounce back because he is losing weight rapidly.

On top of the diseased household, I am going around looking at houses to buy. Look at a couple and boom, its time to go home and cook and pick up the kids and blah blah.

Actually, I've decided that the real estate investor side of me will take priority over the real estate sales so studying is not the priority right now.

Killer Bees - Arrrrrrrrgh!!!!!

2006-01-29T03:46:00.000-08:00

Barking dog frothing at the mouth - give me a big stick and I'll educate it.
Driving at 120+ mph - no problem.
Walking through "da hood" - been doing it all my life.
Guns - be more concerned about the person holding it, especially if he/she looks scared.
Heights - gulp, but I'm learning to deal with it in my new line of work.
Africanized killer bees - it's hard not to soil myself when I think of this one. Oh, excuse me...

...okay I'm back.

First of all, which brand new fool got a jar of killer bees from Africa and took it to Brazil. The Africans are still angry about what happened a couple hundred years ago!! Why you gonna mess with them??!!

Then the bees escaped from the lab in 1957. Escaped!! Right.

"Hey dawg - you seent dem bees dat were in dat glass case over derr??"
"Nah dawg, I ain't seent dem in a minute. Dem thangs'll kill yo behind!!"
"I wonder if poffessa know?"
"I don't kerr if he know. I wuz gon quit anyway. I'm tired of gittin stung. And they cut back my hours."
"I bet you Tiny did it befow he got fired. He did say evybody gon die."
"Daaaang dawg - I finna git outer herr!"
"Me too - befow the po po git herr...."

Now they are in Florida - welcome to paradise people. Home of hurricanes, high housing costs, alligators, pythons, lightning, tornadoes and now killer bees.

The Common Cold

2006-01-23T04:27:00.000-08:00

Since I have come to Jacksonville, many people have talked about the weather, how cold it is and that me and the family will be catching colds more often. What I find funny (and sometimes annoying) is the fact that people are happy with listening to myths and not getting the facts.

If you do a google search on "common cold myths", you will find a wealth of information that should be convincing (studies performed, etc.). If that is not convincing enough, let me try to help.

1. In my younger days, I played soccer (for 5+ years). They never stopped a game because it was raining and the kids may catch a cold.

2. Exactly which rain droplet was the cold virus in that affected you? Is the cold virus part of the rain cloud making process?

3. If getting wet from the rain can give you a cold, would a shower do the same thing?

4. If you can get a cold from a "draft", can you get it from sitting by a fan? How about driving in a convertible? Or a motorcycle? Maybe driving with the windows down? Doesn't air conditioning create a cool "draft"?

5. If you can get a cold from the change in the weather (from one climate to another), why couldn't you get a cold from stepping out of the shower into an air-conditioned room (one micro-climate to another)?

6. Have the owners of the Miami Dolphins ever stopped their team from playing in New York because it was too cold and they didn't want the team to get sick for the big game in Tampa the following week? Would you put your multi-million dollar team at risk?

7. Is the virus sitting on a cold floor and when you walk on it with barefeet, they climb up to your nose and enter your body? Exactly how cold does the floor have to be?

Okay, let me stop. Please people, get the facts and stop relying on information that can't possibly be true. I may be wrong in my thinking. If you feel that I am, I encourage you to post a comment with the facts. Oh, I hope providing proof is not too much to ask.

Git Ter Studyin' Foo!!

2006-01-14T03:59:00.000-08:00

We went on a house updating frenzy for the past couple of weeks. We aren't done, but we are at a very good point. Of all the light fixtures and fans inside and outside the house, we didn't change two of them. All the rooms will be painted eventually, and the colors are more daring than in our previous home. I am happy with the outcome so far. Why did we do all of this if we are going to move soon? Well, we are debating moving so quickly. We don't have to, because we have a very good middle and elementary school in our district.

Many traditionalists will see our move as a downsize. One person even mentioned it. Lisha corrected her by telling her physically its a downsize, but financially its a huge upsize. People are so stuck on what you look like (big sprawling house, luxury car, name brands clothes) and not what really counts (debt freedom - yes it is possible, financial freedom, a good quality of life, spending more time with family and less time working, etc.).

Don't get me wrong. I love the finer things in life. What I don't like is what they cost, and that most people honestly can't afford it. One mortgage broker coined it nicely - "Banks don't hang you, they just give you the rope and show you where the tree is."

I've digressed. Now that I have the go ahead to take the real estate test, I have to get down to studying. Wifey told me that it was tricky - I believe her. I won't be studying 8 hours a day, so the bits and pieces that I have left to do in the house will make a good break between studying. I'm gonna be laying low for a minute - don't miss me too much.

I've Been Tricked!!

2006-01-12T16:05:00.000-08:00

My wife, work-wife, and work-mistress all told me that I should go to Jacksonville and become a "man of leisure". They all assured me that is was the best thing for me. I trusted them. I packed my bags and moved expecting to sit around watching Star Wars and BattleStar Galactica all day long. I was hoodwinked. I was bamboozled. They were all in cahoots, I'm sure of it. All I've been doing since I got here was work. Build this, install that, put up this, take down that. Missy Lisha, the owner of this here plantation, has kept my honey-do list long. I sat down once to watch a movie and ended up feeling guilty and got to work anyway. Nobody told me that they are part of "The Man", trying to domesticate me...

Not evryting good fi hear, good fi talk

2006-01-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

I heard from a friend of ours that someone very close to me and wifey told somebody that we (particularly wifey) are moving to Jacksonville to show off. Lisha did the right thing and told the bearer of the news that she didn't care. I am amazed at the things people say when they have nothing better to do. Lisha also told the news carrier that any part of the story could have been contorted before it got to the news carrier. My question is why tell us and then say don't confront the person? So you will never get the truth. Actually, me and wifey have been the brunt of gossip and rumors for years. For some reason, people think that we are stuck up, got rich and switched, etc.

1. We managed to buy a house right after we got married. Rumor - my parents are from England and are loaded, and gave me some money. Rumor - Lisha's parents helped us. Fact - I won a lawsuit and used part of the money as a downpayment.

2. We sold our first house and moved in with my parents while we were looking for another house. Rumor - we couldn't afford the house and were forced to sell. We got into foreclosure. Fact - we wanted to move to a neighborhood with a better school system before we started having kids. Also, we no longer liked the neighborhood we were in.

3. Lisha stayed at home to raise the kids. Rumor - I had a big job making a ton of money and Lisha didn't have to work. Fact - we teetered on the edge of insolvency more than once. We ended up elimating debts and lived on the barest minimum because we wanted our kids to be at home and not in a day care. I'm glad that Lisha had the opportunity to stay at home with both kids.

4. We change cars quite often. Rumor - Ben is a show off and is flaunting his status by changing cars. Fact - I get bored of cars quickly. I buy used (normally under market value) and sell or trade in when I know I'll break even. Currently, I have two cars with a total car payment of less than $500 a month owing less than $5k on one and a positive equity of $4k in the other.

5. Lisha is quiet until she warms up to you. Rumor - Lisha is stuck up. Fact - Lisha is shy.

I could go on and on. But even when I tell people the truth, I guess it feels better to just make up stuff and spread it.

As the title states, just because you hear stuff, that doesn't mean tell someone else. You could end up causing a lot of pain for the person you talk about.

Jacksonville, my home

2006-01-08T03:10:00.000-08:00

So here I am in Jacksonville Florida. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. We still have painting and fixing to do, but nothing major. I got the go ahead to take my real estate exam, so I'm going to start studying and continue fixing and painting in my "I ain't studying no more" periods. My friend gave me a contact for a carpet company. It's a family owned business. It gave me a good look into what Jacksonville is about (the country boy perspective). Don't think for a minute that Jacksonville is all hick. I've seen more Porshes, Escalades, Vipers and the like than I did in Fort Lauderdale. Anyway, Daddy owned the carpet company. His son came in wearing hunting clothes. Son said "Gimme all yooo got". Daddy look at me and said "I shoold give heem a few of these". I looked down to see a pocket sized six-shooter. "How much you neeeed boy?" Daddy asked. "About a dollar - that's how much eh-body aks fo 'roun herr." his son replied. And so it started. Me and wifey had half an hour of these country boys talking about deer hunting, hog hunting, Jerry Springer, bar fights, Micheal Jackson jokes, and dumb rednecks (they were white). We laughed a whole lot that day. It didn't stop there. They came to carpet our house and they had a worker, a tall, dark, slow talking black dude. I have a bad habit of giving people nicknames (in my head). I don't remember names but I'm great with associations. I dubbed the man "Green Mile". What was interesting about this guy wasn't the fact that he talked almost at a crawl, or that he kept on asking for a glass of cool water. It was his bleeding finger. He asked for a band aid so much that wifey gave him the pack. When I tipped him, I was driven to ask what happened to his finger. He show me his hand where I saw multiple cuts all in different stages of healing. His response was "I can't see close up cows I sat on ma glasses and broke 'em. Errtam I git ter cuttin' carpet, I cut ma fangers ba aksident." Now boys and girls, that's country!!

Happy New Year Ona and All

2006-01-04T03:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah - I know it's a couple of days late, but I just got internet access back. Problem #1, bellsouth said that everything was moved over but I had no phone line or internet. Problem #2, I don't have a phone outlet in my office - the bellsouth tech suggested I set up a wireless network. Problem #3, I set up my wireless network only to have some geek called "bott", who apparantly doesn't have much to do in the daytime (look whose talking) attempt to access my network. Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful, prosperous, and healthy new year!!

Donkey wan' water but dem hol' 'im troat

2005-12-27T16:21:00.000-08:00

I am a huge fan of Jamaican proverbs. As I was waiting for the HR Storm Trooper to give me my exit interview, the one above came to mind. Why? Because I'm so ready to leave this town and be a success in another town and the only thing that's hindering me is HR and the interview. I've already pushed deliveries, etc. back and now I have to wait till tomorrow morning for the drive up. Yes, yes, I'm impatient, but who asked you anyway?

The Day After Christmas

2005-12-27T05:19:00.000-08:00

I had a pleasant day for the most part. The family and I went shopping early in the morning. We bought some clothes for the kids to last them through 2006. We did some packing and headed off to Shelly's. There was a complete communication breakdown. For some reason Shelly and Sherie both thought that I would have called. I wasn't surprised at them not listening to me. Then came time to eat. Surprise, surprise, it took 45 minutes to decide. I'm not going to tell anyone that this is a daily occurance. Then came time to get the food. Shelly "Mapquest" Pinnock rode shotgun with me. And with her help, I headed the wrong way. Then it dawned on her that we were going in the wrong direction. I made a u-turn and I turned off my listening devices so that I could get to our destination in peace. We got back to her house. She opened the door to a gang of hungry people. Nobody was as hungry as I was. We had fun. Our kids terrorized our eardrums - what a joyful noise they made. Shelly's son was getting cranky so I did the fatherly thing and rocked him to sleep. We said our goodbyes, took some pics and went home. It was a cool evening - I'm going to miss those guys.

My Parents

2005-12-26T03:25:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying that I am not going to portray my parents as perfect. They have their faults just like any other human being.

I'm in the final hours of being around them. I have never lived more than half an hour away from them. My mom looks a little down. My dad is acting overly happy (that's how he is when he's feeling down). They are having endless moments of joy interacting with my kids.

I have always been the free-spirited (hard-headed) child. When I went to college, they wanted me to become a doctor (something about carribeans and the medical proffession). I went the computer science route and constantly heard "Are you sure about this?" from my dad. My dad is very much the stay-in-a-job-till-you-die kinda person. His tune changed when he saw how my income skyrocketted in just a few years.

I carry a heavy load. I am the youngest child. After my brother died, I am the only son (carrying the Gordon name - it's a Jamaican thing). I was the first child to graduate from university. I'm the only child that is married (again, a Jamaican thing). I have become one of their chief financial advisors. I am their protector against the many scams people try to pull with older people. I have become one of their "golden years planners" (along with one of my sisters in England).

I feel like when I am gone, they won't be protected. This was one of the major issues in my deciding to head to Jacksonville. You see, they are a couple of softies. They love to help others. They are easily taken advantage of. I'm a little different. I'm a hard-headed brute who gets his jollies from cornering the unscrupulous and slowly choking them with their own embelishments and untruths.

I love my parents dearly, and I'm going to hate being so far away from them.

P, chap - I love you.

The Man is out to get me.

2005-12-25T04:08:00.000-08:00

What else could it be? I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but the past couple of months have been wierd. Take a look at what The Man has done to me thus far...

I bought a generator because of hurricane Wilma. I used it for the best part of two hours and The Man turned the power back on.

I attempted to apply for money from The Man for the generator, but he kicked me off of his website. I tried again and was successful, only to discover that The Man delays multiple applications.

The Man sent one of his imps to inspect my generator and deliberately put the request for money on the wrong application.

The Man has been "blocking" ever since.

The Man told me I wasn't qualified for any money for lost food etc.

The Man told the HR commando at my job to block my exit by holding my holiday money ransom.

The Man has frozen my accounts, reducing my after Christmas spending power to almost nothing.

The Man's trying to keep B da B down, but I ain't going down like a punk.

We shall over-cooooooooome. We shall over-coooooooome. We shall over-come some daaaaaaayayaaaaaaaaay....

I'm not greedy, but

2005-12-22T15:00:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna eat myself to a stupor. Tis the season to eat till I lapse into a coma induced by foods I have no business eating. Now peeps, B da B can eat. No, I really mean eat. I'm 6' 4", 210lbs, no shame, no decency, no scruples. Chewing takes up too much time. Fruits, veggies, and other non-meat items just get in the way. I only ate half of Sherie's food because she was too selfish to give me more. So, without guilt, I will eat this season. Let the games begin...

I wanna be free!

2005-12-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I was going to be outa here, the HR Commando said "Uh-uh, the rules and regs say...". Oh well, I can hang out for a couple extra days. Wifey says no big deal because she can catch the after Christmas sales. I get a chance to sabotage my workmate's cubicle. He's gonna love it. I'm so ready to make a move, but the man is keeping B da B down. Only a couple more days...

It's not about having the last word

2005-12-18T04:10:00.000-08:00

I just read my friend's blog post about me. I'm leaving the area. I'm leaving her. I cried this morning. I was caught completely off guard. So why did I cry? To be genuinely loved, respected, and admired by someone is truly an amazing feeling. But that's not it. For someone to tell the world would be considered great for the ego. But that's not it. I cried because I have a person in my life whose friendship is so precious to me that no-one could possibly understand what those words on her blog mean to me. So you think you can hurl accolades and not get some thrown back at you? Well take this...

I remember I met you in Doctor Frances' class in university. I was going through really rough times then and you provided a glimmer of sunshine. Even then we were "talking" through notes.
I have seen you blossom from a shy girl who didn't know much about the real world to a woman who is willing and eager to learn what the world is about without compromising yourself.

I've witnessed your self-confidence growing year by year. That personality that you kept hidden for so long is showing itself. I love what you have become. A woman of confidence that needs not dabble in conceit.

You have the ability to engage me in a deep conversation. Your intelligence, candor, and logic keep me captivated in the discussion at hand.

You have made a beautiful, loving wife to your husband. You stood by him through hard times when other women would have walked away.

Your son absolutely adores you and it shows every time I see you two together.

You make me laugh. Girl, you so crazy!

Mentally, you are so quick on your toes - the Mohammed Ali of conversation if you will. It annoys me when I'm not quick enough. It tickles me when we are right on the same wavelength. It's exhilarating when I "win".

You are not just a church worker, you are a woman in love with God.

You are ALWAYS there for me - you come with an unwritten, unspoken guarantee.

I know that my innermost thoughts can be shared with you. I don't need to sugarcoat anything.

You have never judged me, or my many faults.

We are so close, that we know when the other is upset, bothered, haunted, hungry, just by looking over the cubicle wall.

Shelly, you are a wonderful woman. I love you and I thank God for having you in my life.

To Be A Man

2005-12-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

So I went to this muffler place to get my car taken care of. The testosterone was thick in the air. Everyone had the bad boy look. Everyone had the fastest, loudest car on the street. When a guy started his car he gave it that extra rev to show the other guys that a real man is here. When a car went up on a lift, guys would look under the car and give the nod of approval, or the look of disgust. I was right at home. It was the home of the silent braggers. I scored a lot of cool points with my car until some hater let loose some mosquitos in the air. I was bitten twice. I don't react well to mosquitos. Immediatly I wanted to scratch. The torture of it. I prayed. Lord, let the heavens open up and rain down calamine lotion. I rubbed my arm discretely a couple of times. It was getting worse. I played it off by pretending there was dirt on my arm. I folded my arms. I rubbed my arm against my belly. I saw an old friend of mine. We did the dap and the tough man hug. I tried to use his shirt as a scratching post. Too late - he didn't want to prolong the moment. Oh, what men have to go through...

Get Rich or Cry Trying

2005-12-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

Today is the day that I'm gonna resign. Yep. I'm gonna fire my boss. Spread my wings. Soar like an eagle. Let's hope I don't end up like Icarus. I am leaving a job/career with excellent pay, benefits, etc. Why are you leaving, B da B? Read on and I'll tell you.

You see, a couple of years ago I was caught up in a real estate scam. Fortunately, my personality dictates that I MUST win (I'm also okay with not losing). I ended up studying the real estate investing world. I have had a few deals that just, just, just, slipped through my fingers. When I took a look at why I didn't get those deals, it pointed to one thing - work. There wasn't enough time to haggle, find a suitable loan, investigate a property, because there always seemed to be a "fire to put out" at work. Granted, sometimes it was just my "make the boss happy" illness, but, nonetheless, it centered around work. Adding up what I coulda had brings my net profit close to half a million dollars in 2-3 years. I'm not crying over spilled milk, I'm just saying that even if I got half of that, I would have been happy. Don't assume that I have a need to be rich. I have a desire to become financially independant so that I can spend more time with my family and less time working for the man.

I was convinced that I didn't have to spend thousands of dollars to learn the ropes (that's the cheap side of me). I consulted the internet, particularly for scams and people to avoid. I consulted my inner circle of friends. The one thing that comes up over and over again is you have to take a chance, a calculated risk. In general, you have to be gutsy and be prepared to take the bull by the horns.

Watch out bull, B da B's gonna rip your head off!!

Don't - push - me - cuz - I'm - close - to - da - edge

2005-12-15T04:42:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I'm back. A whole lot has been going on in my life and it needed my undivided attention. Anyhoos, I'll leave that for another post. I don't know what is was yesterday. One thing, two things, a combo of things. I was pushed to the edge. I have an extremely bad temper that has been "controlled" for many years. In my teens, it got me into an AWFUL lot of trouble. I think the main issue is that I don't "ramp up". In other words, I go from laughing to spitting fire and brimstone and wanting to fight the whole world in seconds. I had to leave work yesterday. I had to leave because my "wrath was kindled". I took the long way home to calm down. I calmed down significantly. Seeing my wife and kids made me feel a whole lot better. I'm glad that day is gone. Onward and upward....

Stressed?

2005-11-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

Let's see...
My mother is sick, she's been complaining of stomach pains.
My wife's mother is in the hospital, under observation because of chest pains.
My wife is sick. She has the flu and she is in pain.
My daughter won't go to sleep, she's being a pain.

Do you think I'm stressed? Nah...

Deep in Thought

2005-11-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what started it, but I have been very deep in thought lately. I've always been a thinker (over-thinker?). I am completely comfortable with lying down in a dark room and going swimming in my thoughts. My friends think of me as a light hearted person but always ready to be serious if they needed me that way. I'm also known to be extremely stubborn (not always a positive trait). I normally use brute force to solve my problems (again, not always a positive trait). Someone put it correctly - "Ben, you bash your head against a wall until you break down the wall or you fracture your skull". Where am I going with this, you ask. Thinking back in my life, I have experienced a great deal of emotional pain. My over-thinking kicked in. Do I properly heal, or do I use brute force to get over it and move on? I think I use a whole lot more of the latter. I have noticed over the years that I have become a little emotionally hardened and detached. I don't open up as much as I used to. When I do open up I expect a negative reaction. I'm not as sentimental as I used to be. I don't care as much as I used to. I've been rejected, talked about, and lied to. I've taken massive hits against my self esteem and my character. But was the correct reaction to toughen up? My kids are going to have to grow up and do their thing. They will get hurt, rejected, etc. I know that I can't protect them, but my thoughts are that I hope they are emotionally strong enough to deal with what happens in their lives. I hope that they would be able to use a bit of brute force and a bit of good old fashioned healing. If its any consolation, I started my healing process quite a while ago. I'm nowhere near as angry at things that happened to me as I used to be. I have to learn so that I can teach my kids because I'm not into do as I say not as I do.

The Alpha Male

2005-11-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my buddy, ShellyP, and she was telling me about her "admirer". For some strange reason, after centuries of being on this earth, men still think that they need to stare at women. Now people, we know that stare. It's that "Me Alpha Male. Me Like You. Me wanna pokey you. Ug. Ug." All joking aside, it's that "I approve of how you look. I want you to know that I approve." Women may respond with "I see you approve of me. I like the fact that you approve of me. You may have a chance..." Now this is all cool, if that's your thing. Men, let me give you some advice. The chances of this working may be 50/50 and if you think it did work don't wear it out, because it could become creepy. Women, be very careful with this. If it's not your thing, I think it's better to not react at all. If you happen to come across "The Alpha Male", any reaction you give could be interpreted as "it's okay to pursue."

Now if you have a relationship that you can do that all the time, then that's different. It is almost like the other person expects you to give a "stamp of approval". It falls back to liking being admired by someone you like/love/trust/respect. I don't have a problem with my women friends liking the way I dress, my cologne, etc. I should look at least half way attractive to the opposite sex. I have experienced a woman that has made it obvious that she likes me. Funny enough, after a few times of catching her looking at my meat and two veggies, it stops being cool.

I prefer the more subtle approach. I like paying attention to detail. Notice a new hairstyle, new clothes, new shoes, and if you are that close to the person new undies, and I think the effect would be more positive. But this is coming from a guy that pursued relationships, not sex...

Who wins?

2005-11-04T04:22:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my wife last night and she mentioned that a person that we know messed around with another person that we know. So what you ask. Well the person that told my wife about it said that the girl was stupid and nasty and ended up being humiliated over a speakerphone by the guy who had sex with her. My wife responded by saying that the guy was also nasty for going there in the first place. I agree with my wife. I personally don't think that one is better than the other. The guy got his. The girl got hers. But the guy in this case appeared to get the upper hand if you will (she performed sexual acts on him, she ended up giving him money on a regular basis, she gets her business aired over the phone). So who wins in this sex game? Or should I be asking who loses...

Spoiled Rotten

2005-11-02T01:51:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how spoiled we are. Hurricane Wilma blew by the other day and knocked out the power. All of a sudden, the area was brought down to its knees. I tell you something - country folk (wherever "country" may be to you) had the upper hand. I was in line with a Jamaican guy at Home Depot. He told me that he dug a hole in the ground, broke some of the branches from the trees already down, lit a fire, and started cooking. His neighbors started laughing at him - until he started pulling roast fish, jerk chicken, etc. from out of the ground. People - you ain't tasted jerk chicken until someone cooks it in a pit. I heard complaints about taking cold showers - we were okay because we have a natural gas water heater. For a moment, I started going through an internet, TiVo, telephone withdrawl. Then it occurred to me how much time these things take out of your life. We ended up having long talks by candlelight with family members. We played with the kids more. I actually read a newspaper. When there was absolutely nothing to do I just relaxed. I'm not saying that the hurricane and its aftermath was a cake walk. I'm just saying that it could have been way worse for us. For many of us we lost a few creature comforts. It really should remind us of how much we have.

I ain't afraid of no Wilma

2005-10-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Now we are under a hurricane warning. The news is rambling on about bringing in your stuff, gassing up the cars, yada yada, putting up shutters. Putting up shutters! Right after they talked about putting up shutters they show a man who broke his pelvic bone while trying to prepare for the hurricane. Broke his behind! The man broke his behind people! Now the thoughts come back to me about last year, when I was putting up shutters on my house. I have a two story house and for some reason the previous owner put accordian shutters on the second story windows on the back and sides of the house, but not the front. Here I go putting up the shutters. It took less than an hour to do the rest of the house and I left the front windows for last.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. Well - I'm not afraid of falling, I'm afraid of what happens when I meet the ground. I'm very sensitive about my skull being split open. I'm also quite sensitive about breaking my behind. The man broke his behind people!!

I've digressed. I go through the windows upstairs to put up the shutters and conditions are deteriorating. I'm not talking about the weather conditions, I mean what's going on with me - sweating, bowels churning, thoughts of my wife becoming a millionare with the life insurance money, driving around in some fancy car with a "HE DIED" license plate (internal joke - my baby wouldn't do that).

Somehow, time shifted from those thoughts to how am I going to get down. I looked at my pathetic ladder. I looked at the ground that I may meet sooner rather than later. I looked at wifey knowing that she would put her nursing skills to good use if needed. At that moment, superior intelligence and logic took over. "I'm not coming down". The ebonics button was pushed. I ain't comin' down. I ain't goin' nowhere. I'm stayin' righ chere on dis here roof. Just throw fried chicken and bottled water up. Tell boss man I'm workin' from home. Negro spirituals started playing in my head. Not one at a time - it was some strange rooftop remix.

For some reason my dear wife thought this was all funny - no, hilarious. Common sense took over, I can't stay up here. What if I wanted to use the bathroom. You know - number two. I told Lisha to get the neighbor to help. He shouted "I'll be right there, Ben!" He'll be right there!! Does he know what it feels like to be terrified?! Anyway, after what felt like a couple of hours, he came by with a real ladder. Now that would've been fine, and my story could have ended there. But no, Ben had to make it worse.

"Come on down." he said.
"I can't move." I wimpered.
"Come on!" he said.
My hero climbed up the ladder, grabbed my ankle and placed it on the top rung of the ladder and helped me down. What's the moral of this story? I paid a handy man $20 to take down the shutters after the hurricane. So if my math is correct, I could have saved myself from public ridicule for $40. Remember this people. Now ya'll keep this secret.

The Inner Circle

2005-10-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend of mine today and I realized that I don't have that many friends that I can really, really talk to. The first issue is that I use the term "friend" very sparingly. I have an inner circle. I don't go out trying to hurt people, but my inner circle is quite small and, of course, not too many people are "members". People with a lot of "friends" also have a lot of drama - I'm getting too old for juvenile stuff. My friends are able to tell me like it is (and vice versa). It helps us to grow, and to appreciate each other. If you have the following traits in your life, then evaluate how good of a friend you are to others.

1. High maintenance people. You're happy, you're sad, you're annoyed, you're crying, you're on top of the world - all in the space of an hour and the entire universe has to know what mood you are in. The word of the day is NORMALIZE people (preach preacha!!!). It is not fair for everyone else to have to be subjected to that and have to constantly wonder what mood you are in and adjust on the fly.
2. I am a strong believer in "if you have a problem with everybody, then the problem is you". Think about it. No. Uh-uh. Shaddap and think about it. Hint: there is one common thread - guess who it is.
3. I don't expect to hear about someone else's personal business. If I do, then what are you doing with MY business.
4. If you are in a state of perpetual "pity me, because my life is...", then you may need help. I don't want an invite to your pity party - you need to accept the fact that you may need help in order to overcome. If you do it because you've ran out of ideas on how to gain the attention of people around you, then you seriously need help (I'm not joking). I have been through a fair amount in my life so I'm not trying to be flippant. Using your friends to help you is one thing, abusing that is not nice.
5. Gossip isn't cool. Waaaaay too many friendships have ended because of he said she said.

What is wrong with me

2005-10-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

It's four o'clock in the morning. My dear kids are having a rough night. They woke me up. I'm one of folks who finds it difficult (impossible?) to fall back asleep after my sleep has been disturbed. This is normal, within a couple of days I'll catch up. That's not what's wrong with me. What's wrong with me is that it's four o'clock in the morning and I felt compelled to start a blog. Everything is looking hazy. My eyes are partially stuck together with dried eye boogers but I'm just a-typing away.

I have been meaning to write a book. My wife, Lisha, has been bugging me about starting it. My friend ShellyP has been bugging me too. They've been bugging me for years. Is this the start of things? All I can say is that Oprah's gonna have me in her book club one day. Woooohoooo - I love you Opraaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!